So, it has been a while. Two months I believe since I last posted anything? And boy what a two months! Sadly, I just added that last line, not because there is any truth in it, but it just seemed like something I should add, as if the last eight weeks of my life have been filled with tremendous insight and extraordinary events. I did get a puppy. His name is Basil. I do want to be clear that it’s not pronounced like the Italian herb, but rather, the British pronunciation. I was going to give him an Irish name, but seeing that I have two very British named cats, I didn’t think it would be right. Yes, I name my pets with people names…I think they appreciate it more. So, I may have to change the name of this blog from “Thomas and Oliver” to “Thomas, Oliver and Basil”, just to be fair. It was a very impulsive five year old thing to do, to raise a puppy in a one bedroom apartment with two cats and a boyfriend, but what are you going to do? He was cute and sometimes I get tired of going to Petsmart while experiencing puppy envy.
Let’s see, so in terms of my progress of published writing…I am writing on this bog, and that is the extent of my being published…. I am still working in the very scientific lab with lovely scientists who speak languages I wish I could understand and speak as well. I still am not quite sure what they do here, only that it is extraordinarily complex and no matter how hard I try, I will never quite get it. So, I have mastered the head nod to be followed by, “Oh…yes, right, right.” Also, I am awkwardly trying to fill the shoes of the last assistant who was adored and cherished, so that’s always fun….Perhaps one day, I will find that sense of love and dedication in my work that I see in them…I’m very jealous and mystified by it. As for learning the language, that’s another feat. My mom tried to teach me Korean when I was in high school (I’m half) and it was a terrible ordeal for the both of us. It wasn’t either of our faults; we just grew very upset with the other and believed the other was going about it all wrong.
And in comes the revelation part. For at this point of my life, I believed that aside from looking a lot like her, I was the polar opposite of my mother and the personality clone of my father. He is very patient, very calm, the quiet strong man in the corner kind of deal, never raises his voice, very Atticus Finch from “To Kill a Mockingbird”…although he forwarded me a very conservative email the other day, so…maybe not so much anymore…but to get back to the personality differences, my mother is the opposite. She will curse you out for cutting in line at Nordstrom’s, (this doesn’t really happen a lot, but just to give you a sense) for there was one time when I was maybe seven or eight, that this happened and while she brandished vengeance upon this unfortunate woman, I wanted very much to melt into the St. John sweater sets and DKNY pant suits.
She is fiery and fierce, where my father is calm and quiet. It’s like an Italian romance, the woman is full of passion and spirit, the man is in pursuit and balances out the relationship with his rationality. And that was how they argued when I was younger, she would dramatically stalk off in Sophia Loren like fashion, while my dad would go after her and in half an hour’s time, everything would be fine.
Witnessing this, I was very judgmental, saw it as a waste of time and always sided with myfather. But now that I have grown up…some…and being in a relationship and experienced a few failed ones, I realize, they are anything but practical and rational and quiet(relationships), and that now I understand my mom…now I realize that I am very much like her…why? Because I did exactly what she did last night! And this wasn’t the first time. The reason? My boyfriend left me waiting alone with the puppy outside of Chronic Tacos in Huntington Beach while he went to place the order. I should mention that it takes a while, because they actually cook the fish once you order it…(so I don’t seem too psychotic). We were there with his brother and girlfriend, so I felt abandoned and lame waiting outside while they were all inside, while the puppy was trying to break out of his harness to attack seagulls and a fork on the ground covered in hot sauce. ..and it was cold. So, we took a stroll, we walked around and met friendly joggers, yorkies with pink bows in their fur who looked at us like we were outcasts (judgmental dogs)…and all because I felt strangely abandoned, and when this happens, I think of other things that make me angry…why only I always have to clean the cat litter, why we drove my car to Vegas instead of renting one….ridiculous grievances but extremely valid at the moment…so I kept this up, and I regret it…I was so mad I only ate one fish taco instead of two…and they are so good! I’m very hungry for one right now….keep that in mind, if you have two fish tacos from Chronic Tacos, make sure you eat both, even if you think you don’t want to…
So in retrospect, it was a ridiculous reason to get upset, but at that time, it made perfect sense, my only answer to dealing with it was to stalk away, so he could come after me and affirm that I am the amazing, beautiful charming and intelligent woman that he should think I am…although after reading this…..and did I let it go after that? No, I chose to sleep on the couch…and yes, the girl is supposed to make the boy do this, but as I said, I’m a lot like my father so I’m all confused in relationship gender responsibility…and who suffered, me! He fell asleep…after his second attempt to get me to come back to bed, and I waited in the cold, creepy…living rooms are creepy at night…living room trying to hug my cats who wanted nothing to do with me.
So today, this morning, I feel silly, embarrassed and empathetic to my mother, I understand her a bit more…although I’m not exactly sure how….but I have this urge to give her a hug…my dad too because he’s my dad, and my boyfriend because I freaked him out (love you honey!) and my cats because they were annoyed and are now tired from being kept up….and the puppy because he really wanted that fork on the ground covered in hot sauce…..
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